Nothing but curveballs

Roger Clemens tried to convince America that he had never used steroids. He didn’t throw us any fastballs for strikes, but he did throw us curve balls – some in the dirt and others that were hanging there waiting for us to hit out of the park.

The “Rocket” says he would have been pulling a tractor with his teeth if he had used illegal substances. That would make some kind of sense if Clemens took part in extreme sports and performed as a professional tractor puller. But Roger was a baseball pitcher, and we all know there is no tractor pulling, or crying, in baseball. However, baseball does have a place for players that throw rocket-fast fastballs. Hmmm?

Let’s see, Roger is still known as the “Rocket” at 45. His explanation for that is that he worked out and 60 Minutes showed him doing crunches. Gee, even I could have done that workout if my trainer was rocking me back and forth like he did Clemens.

Clemens also said if he had taken steroids he would have a 3rd ear growing out of his head. That’s odd, I’ve never heard or read anywhere of that being a symptom of someone on steroids. However I have heard of “roid rage” as a symptom. Remember that unforgettable and otherwise unexplainable broken bat-throwing incident in the World Series. Clemens picked up the jagged spear like broken bat and threw it at the base runner. That’s dang near a 3rd ear in my book.

Clemens said he did receive injections for elbow and arm pain. When I received injections for pain in my joints, those injections were given locally, in the joints not in the buttocks.

Sorry, Roger, you didn’t convince me. You are going to have to do a lot more than what you did on 60 Minutes. You have to come up with more convincing arguments than what you have given so far. You need to get in front of Congress and answer all of their questions with out qualification. And please don’t insult their intelligence like you did ours.